I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
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