Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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