my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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