I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
