he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
