I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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