CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
