TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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