I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
