Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
