I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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