my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
