Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
