just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
