He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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