That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
