Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
