i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
