grandma shit on top of the toilet
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
