it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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