a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
