SEEEEXXX PLEASE
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
