I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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