remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
