i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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