Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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