it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
