I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
