remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
