The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
