i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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