definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
