She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
