He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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