I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
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We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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