where am i from again
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
