You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
