Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
