I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
