whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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