Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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