you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
