Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
