Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
