my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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