Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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