everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
