So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
