ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
