I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
