Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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