who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
