I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Shame is for Republicans.
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