I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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