I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
