11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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