I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
