Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize