I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
