I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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