He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
