Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
