Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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