I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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