U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
