It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I checked into jail on foursquare
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there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
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The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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