Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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