just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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