well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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