My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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