I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
